Things you don’t know about Buddhism…

Some amusing things I’ve learned about Buddhism whilst in Mongolia.

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Next time you see a Buddhist guy, think to yourself, what a horny old Lama ! At the temple we checked out today, the very back temple was the old Lama’s private tantric meditation parlour. When he was stressed out and needed time to ruminate, the dirty old codger would go hang out in the back temple and get all tantric on your asses. And not just “I’m concentrating really hard” tantric… The pictures on the walls were ex-pli-cit! On top of that, no other monk was allowed back there… So not only was he getting his rocks off, he wasn’t even sharing it around with the other fella’s. Horny and selfish…

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Blood and guts and vengeance is totally a Buddhist thing! You know this whole “don’t step on a butterfly because killing it will change your future”, or you’ll go to hell, or something like that?! Well – it’s totally a load of codswallop! I’ve seen the pictures and those Buddhist guys, they’ll seriously fuck you up if you mess with them. Think ripping your head off, different types of hot and cold hell, and old school giving you the evil eye. I always thought Buddhists were sweet good guys. So, so, so wrong…

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God’s have a penis too . I know, because we saw them. In full statue-y goodness. Those Buddhist God’s were total dog’s. My favourite guy was depicted actually having sex. It’s like, “I know you want to make a statue of me, but I’m in the middle of a REALLY good thing right here, so can you work around me?!” And between you and me, he was working with some quite impressive equipment there…

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And finally, my favourite…. There’s a hell for people who hate on gossips! If you gossip about someone, well that’s just being rude. If you hate on someone who gossips about you, there’s a special Buddhist god devoted to hunting you down and putting you into a place where you will be browbeaten, bullied and bashed for eternity. Yup. That’s right kids. Feel free to gossip – you’re protected!!

Damn, Buddhists. You guys are kooky…

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I know the pictures don’t match the text… It’s the right temple, but all the good stuff was in no-camera zones. You’ll just have to use your imaginations!

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